I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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