guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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