You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
