But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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