Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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