you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
