Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
