So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
