jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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