i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize