Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
