Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize