i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
