The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
