you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
