Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
