she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
