I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
