The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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