if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
