God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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