gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
