FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
