Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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