i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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