Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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