Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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