You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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