all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
