epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
