Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
