I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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