When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
