Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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