Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize