12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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