Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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