I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
