dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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