hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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