note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
