Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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