I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
