so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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