I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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