How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
honey bunches of taint.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
