You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
