I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
try to milk me bitch
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