is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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