I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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