i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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