My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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