Welp...herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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