They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
