Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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