halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
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