So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
