shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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