Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
