david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
