I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
