I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
