i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
