I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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