fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
