You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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