i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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