if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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