You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
