dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize