this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
