I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
